


Out A Maid Never Departed More

by star_named_andy



Series: Shakespeare Does a Funny Thing [12]
Category: The Hobbit (1977), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Plug, Barduil - Freeform, Costumes, Explicit Sexual Content, Kinky, M/M, References to Shakespeare, References to alcohol use, Tails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 13:41:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3980122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_named_andy/pseuds/star_named_andy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Bard and Thranduil conquered their latest challenge in their relationship, someone still needs some convincing that everything is alright. Besides that, new doors are being opened in attempts to further soothe Thranduil's situation, kinkiness ensues, and Bard gets a surprise phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out A Maid Never Departed More

**Author's Note:**

> (Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, or any of its characters or content. I also make no claims to owning any of William Shakespeare's work.)

It took more than one phone call for Bilbo Baggins to be assured the friend nearest and dearest to his heart was alright and Bard appreciated his concern to no end, even if it was a little too persistent. Once he’d given the news that everything had been settled between he and Thranduil, Bilbo was far from convinced, no, no. A proper face to face visit was in order, and so Bard made the trip to Hobbiton to appease his skeptical college roommate. Right – _college_. With all that had been going on that wild summer, Bard had almost forgotten that the beginning of September would soon again be upon him and he’d be back in his classes and working his ass off for impending tuition payments and student loans.

How could he forget, though? That was how he’d come to meet his now boyfriend face to face, after all. For a moment he wondered what things would be like when they returned to college in the fall; would they see each other more often, less, or would their visitations not change much? Would working around their schedules be a pain, seeing as they both had classes and then Bard had work and Thranduil had play rehearsals on top of it? Was Thranduil still going to try to get him to audition for Hamlet? Would they ever have any private time living in dorms? And, oh, Thranduil would be a _senior_ this year…he shrugged it off for the time being. If there was any stress to be had in thinking any of those thoughts, he didn’t want it. He’d had enough stress for a life time after the scare Thranduil had given him.

The memory of all of the blonde’s dramatic words still shook him, even now as they had resolved things. Seeing the one he loved in such a miserable state and hearing that he felt he couldn’t tell Bard…well, it hurt him. All that time, he hadn’t known what was going on in Thranduil’s life and the young man had been suffering all along behind closed doors. Bard scolded himself, saying he should have pressed harder and sooner for Thranduil to open up about what was going on, but there was no fixing that now. All he could do was be there to support him and make sure nothing ever went unsaid between them ever again, whether it was he or Thranduil that had something to tell.

Bilbo’s hometown was not unfamiliar to him, so he easily made his way through the calm streets and smiled as he passed rows of homes bursting with plant life wherever there was room. Hobbiton was an odd place, but odd in a good way. Bard found the bubble of a town to be extremely charming and magical; the people were nearly all related in some way or another, all of the families in the area being large and they all knew each other. No matter who was related to who, each individual house competed every spring and summer to see who could produce the most beautiful flowers and whose lawn was the greenest. The Baggins home had reigned champion of this competition for a few years sporadically and Bilbo took it very seriously. The people in the area were kindly, for the most part. You had to be around for a while for them to truly be comfortable with your presence, but once they liked you there was no escape. They would feed you until you were ready to burst, stuffing you to the brim with delicious food and drink made with love. It was no wonder they had baking and cooking competitions for every season.

Bilbo’s house was dripping with flawless, homey glamor. He was very careful pulling into the driveway as not to crush any of the flowers that lined the entire strip of pavement and saw Bilbo running from his front porch as he parked, his curls bouncing the whole time.

“You’re just in time for tea and mama finished icing cupcakes! Man, I have great timing!” Bilbo boasted as he met Bard at the start of the pathway up to the house and Bard chuckled.

“Already trying to shove food down my throat, huh?” Bard teased.

“Well, mama made the, cupcakes so you _have_ to eat one or she’ll be offended.”

“I wouldn’t want to offend Mama Baggins.” Bard said; the woman was sweet and her food was just the same. He wouldn’t turn down her food even if he were full.

Upon seeing the young man, Mama Baggins was all over him, pinching at his sides and his cheeks, feeling his arm muscles and telling him how handsome he was. She practically sat him in a whicker porch chair herself, saying it was too gorgeous of a day for the boys to spend it inside. She gave them a tray of tea, cups with cozies, and cupcakes before leaving them to eat and laugh about her enthusiasm.

“She hasn’t changed a bit, has she?” Bard questioned, picking up a cupcake and peeling the wrapper off. He got some frosting on his fingers and licked it off once the wrapper was out of his way.

“Not a bit.” Bilbo assured and sipped his tea, his brows furrowing as he watched Bard devour half the cupcake in one bite, frosting covering his top lip and settling itself in his facial hair. “I see you haven’t either. I wouldn’t expect your ravenous eating habits to change in just a month, though.”

“Thorry,” Bard mumbled, mouth full of pastry as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Napkin, napkin!” Bilbo reprimanded and waved one in front of Bard’s face. Bard took it, chuckling after he swallowed the lump of dessert in his throat. He wiped his face and his hand thoroughly.

“Sorry, Mr. Neat-freak.”

“I’m not a neat-freak, I’m just not a beast when it comes to eating my food.”

“Does it bother you that much? We’ve shared a room two years now going on three; aren’t you used to me yet?”

“I’m mostly teasing. It doesn’t bother me as much as some _other things_.” Bilbo said suggestively as he took a sip of his tea. There it was.

“What should I say to convince me everything is alright with me and Thran?” Bard mused, smiling at his friend who pursed his lips and didn’t look very entertained.

“I just want to know the truth. I don’t take my best friend crying lightly, especially when he hardly ever does so. The whole thing sounded messy when you first told me everything and I won’t easily believe everything has been wiped away in one night of romance.”

“That’s not how it was. I told you we talked things out first. We didn’t just resolve things with sex.” Bard said, rolling his eyes a bit. “Not everything is quite fixed yet, though. There are still some things we have to work out.”

“So what did it end up being, anyway? What is the big reason for him ignoring you and almost breaking up with you?”

“His dad…he doesn’t agree with his sexuality.” Bard began. “It’s a bad situation; he used the ‘disowning’ threat and everything when he first found out Thranduil had an interest in guys. His mom knows he still sees men and that he’s in a relationship with me because she’s more accepting, but his dad still doesn’t know. Not for sure, anyway, but he’s still skeptical. He hardly lets Thranduil ever leave the house without an issue. Thranduil even went as far as to hire a girl to act like his girlfriend to keep his dad’s suspicions away.”

“ _What?_ That’s crazy!”

“I know, but if Thranduil’s dad is really _that_ against him being with guys, I can see why he’d take such precautions. He was going to break up with me because he didn’t feel it was the right thing to do, t be with me and have a father who wouldn’t accept us. When he told me I just…I feel so awful that he has to live like he is and that he felt like he had to hide it from me. I’m the last person he should be hiding things from and I made that clear. I think he feels better now, but that doesn’t solve things.”

“Hm…well that does clear things up a bit. That’s very unfortunate.”

“It is…I don’t know what to do.” Bard admitted, rubbing his thumbs over his cup of tea and staring into its honey color while inhaling its enticing smell. “I don’t know how to help him, Bilbo, and it scares me to death. What the hell am I supposed to do? March up to his house and change his dad’s mind about homosexual relationships? I mean, I would, but…I’m not sure that it would be so simple.”

“That’s hard because it usually _isn’t_ that simple. Have they ever talked about it, or was it like a ‘we’re never going to speak of this again but secretly resent each other for it’ kind of thing?”

“The second one.”

“Maybe his dad does need a talking to from someone; from Thranduil, his wife, or you. Maybe the man can be reasoned with, but who knows? Thranduil is an adult, but since he lives with them and they obviously give him a pretty generous allowance, I’m sure saying ‘screw off’ and doing what he wants isn’t the best option for him.”

“Definitely not.”

“It’s his senior year, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe after he graduates and gets out on his own, that would make things easier.”

Bard looked at Bilbo, enlightened by the thought and oh so grateful for such an idea.

“That’s a great idea! I don’t want Thranduil to have to endure anything longer than he has to, but maybe…maybe he can just wait for this year to be over until he graduates and then confront his dad, since he’ll sort of be able to stand on his own. He’ll always have a place with me in Laketown, that’s for sure…not a ton of money, but a place to live and people who will treat him kindly. So if he still needed a home at that point, he could have one with me. Maybe even before then – I asked my parents if he could stay the rest of the summer and they agreed. I explained everything to them and they don’t mind at all, since they like him quite a bit. That might make things easier on him, if he wanted to do that, anyway. It would make me feel better knowing he was in a safe place, but he can do whatever he wants. I have yet to ask him.”

When Bilbo broke out into laughter with a wide grin spreading across his face, Bard arched a brow.

“Boy, you’re in deep, aren’t you?” Bilbo questioned and Bard smiled to himself.

“Yes, and happily so.”

“You really love this guy, I can tell. You have a big heart, Bard…just be careful. You haven’t been together too long, you know.”

“I know that.” Bard said firmly with an agreeing nod.

“All of that aside, what did he say about his drinking?”

“Huh?” Bard blinked and Bilbo gaped at him expectantly. “Uh…well, I think that’s just because of him living in a stressful household.”

“ _You think?_ You didn’t talk about it?”

“I didn’t think of it at the time. I was sort of overwhelmed by everything else and I just assumed…I don’t know, I just assumed that was why.”

“Is that why he was drunk the first time you met him _at college?_ Because he was stuck in a _stressful household?”_

“You sure are snarky today.” Bard said, shaking his head and drinking down a swallow of his tea for the first time.

“Not snarky, _defensive_. You can’t blame me after he charmed me with his handsome looks and his radiant personality and then made you cry. I honestly feel very betrayed.” Bilbo said with a huff of his breath and pointed his nose to the air, emitting a laugh from Bard. “I am serious though, Bard. If he drinks as much as you say he does, it’s not something you can just shove off. No matter what the excuse, it still means he has a dependency to alcohol.”

“What? No, it’s not like that at all!” Bard retorted quickly, but as Bilbo’s gaze fell on him he was taken aback, knowing just what Bilbo knew: if Thranduil really was an avid drinker, then he could very well have a dependency on alcohol, whatever the reason for his drinking was, meaning Thranduil was an _alcoholic_ and he needed serious help.

Could it be true? Were the layers of Thranduil’s despair even deeper than Bard already knew them to be? His jaw tightened; there was more to this circumstance than Bard was seeing.

“Alright,” Bard said with a knowing nod to his best friend. “I hear you.”

“Good.” Bilbo nodded back and rested his hand over Bard’s while looking him in the eye. “This is far from over I can tell, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way. Things like this aren’t easy…I could be wrong about the drinking thing, but I want you to see every perspective. I know you understand that.”

“I do, and you’re the best for it. What would I do without you, Bilbo Baggins?”

“Probably choke to death eating cupcakes, honestly.”

Bard’s brows flattened and Bilbo giggled at his own humor. What a goof.

They made a day of their being together and spent the rest of the afternoon in the sun, playing soccer and badminton with Bilbo’s many cousins who’d flocked over to see who the guest driving the pickup truck was. Whether he knew them from prior visits to Bilbo’s or he was just meeting them for the first time, they all sure could talk a lot and swarmed him like a pack of eager puppies. Bilbo had tried to shoo them to no avail, which lead to a series of sports tournaments and a lot more snacking. It seemed that there was always food around and plenty of people to gobble it all down, so it was no surprise that Bilbo and his cousins and practically everyone in Hobbiton had a bit of a belly.

The sunlight was just beginning to dim as Bard left, honking his horn and waving to everyone standing on the front lawn as he drove off. They were a pleasant lot to be around and he’d even been invited on a family rafting outing that he was very much looking forward to.

When he arrived home, Thranduil’s audi was parked in its usual spot, looking pristine just like its owner even in the low light. The blonde was nowhere to be seen. How long had he been there, Bard wondered? He knew Thranduil was due to show up at some point during that day, but he typically shot Bard text when he was on his way which he didn’t receive. Bard shrugged to himself, thinking it was no big deal…until a dangerous idea popped into his head that would warrant Thranduil’s unexpected appearance: something might have been wrong. But why hadn’t he contacted him?

He stumbled out of the truck as the potential realization hit and he dashed to the house and nearly tripped as he darted up the front steps. He barreled through the door and ran straight by the living room – _wait_.

He quickly backed up and poked his head into the room, raising his brows as he saw both of his parents and his boyfriend sitting there.

“Hi, honey. Is everything alright? Why are you in such a hurry?” Runa asked and relief swept over him. Everything looked okay.

“Um, I just saw Thranduil’s car in the driveway. I didn’t know you’d be here,” he looked at Thranduil now as he spoke. “I mean, I did, I just didn’t know when so I…hey.” Bard grinned at the tall young man sitting upright on his couch, Runa seated right beside him and Brent cozy in the recliner across from them. Thranduil returned a thin smile, but something about it was distinctly unusual.

“Hi. I was just having a long discussion with your parents about acceptance and they were kind enough to extend your ‘move-in’ invitation to me.” Thranduil replied, his jaw stiff and his smile noticeably forced to a trained eye. _Oh_.

“Of course. No one should have to live with such ignorance and bigotry!” Brent spoke up. “I’m outraged by that kind of behavior and I was going to suggest you move in to Bard myself if he hadn’t done it first.”

“Like we said, you don’t have to make any decision you don’t want to, sweetie.” Runa said, taking Thranduil’s arm gently. Bard swallowed a lump in his throat, seeing how vastly uncomfortable the blonde was. “But we want you to know we’re always here for you, no matter what happens between you and our Bard.”

“Only good things will be happening between us, right love?” Bard said, drawing Thranduil’s icy, doe-eyed stare to him. After a brief pause, he nodded briskly.

“Yes.”

“Do you mind if I steal him from you?” Bard asked, his gaze bouncing to his parents while he wore a playful smirk.

“Go right ahead.” Runa said.

Bard took Thranduil’s hand and gave a small wave before leading his beloved upstairs to his bedroom. Once the door was closed behind them, he turned with a grin and saw the expected: an unhappy face.

“Oh, come on now. Don’t give me that look.” Bard said in his sweetest voice and stepped forward, laying his hands on Thranduil’s tense shoulders. Bard rubbed his fingers deep into the muscle, massaging circles into his skin through the thin material of his shirt in hopes of calming him. “Relax.”

“You _told them?_ ” Thranduil’s tone was a near hiss, but it was obvious he was holding back.

“I did.”

“And when were you planning on sharing this idea of yours with me?”

“Today.”

“Bard, this is all so embarrassing!”

“Having people care about you is embarrassing? I know you’re not the open type, but we are and we just want to help. You don’t have to take the offer, of course, but I wanted it to at least be there if you needed it.”

“I’m not a charity case.”

“No, you’re just a lovely person in a rough situation. I’m aware of that. Like I said, you don’t have to say yes, but what’s holding you back, hm? Afraid you’ll grow tired of me? That I’ll annoy you if you’re here every day?” Bard couldn’t help but smirk and Thranduil bumped their foreheads together, a light smile shining through his “upset” expression.

“No, it’s nothing like that. No matter how much you may annoy me, I’ll never grow tired of you.”

“Wait…I annoy you? I was only kidding!” Bard whined and Thranduil laughed, wrapping his lanky arms around his boyfriend’s waist and throwing him onto the bed. The blonde crawled over him and was stopped by two hands on his shoulders. “Hey, whatever you’re doing, we can’t do it right now.”

“You always think I’m up to something dirty. How rude.” Bard scoffed at this and Thranduil laid flat on top of him, pressing the air from his chest.

“Gentle! You’re bigger than me, remember.”

“Such a baby.” Thranduil sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Hey!” Bard pouted and the blonde just laughed at him.

“Oh, _stop_. I’m just teasing you.” The brunette stuck his tongue out, crossed his arms and then shifted on his side, throwing a fake and dramatic pouting fit. “Oh no. I think I’ve been rubbing off on you.”

“What else do you expect from an _annoying baby?_ ” Bard huffed, trying not to smile at how ridiculous he sounded, but it was fun to throw a little diva behavior back at the king of attitude. He kept up his little act and began to wonder when Thranduil would retort and what he would do, but he refused to look at him for a response. He would wait it out- “OW!” He shouted, jumping and flipping onto his back to see a giggling Thranduil. “Did you…did you just _bite_ my ass?”

“If there’s no mark, there’s no proof. I think you’re just making things up to whine about.” Thranduil answered, shrugging and trying to hide his pretty, smug smirk.

“Oh, I’ll give you proof!”

Bard pounced on the all-too-proud blonde and pinned him down with a strong hold. He was muffling something into the pillow that Bard couldn’t hear as he leaned down and bit down on Thranduil’s ass-cheek through his tight capris. Thranduil yelped and thrashed onto his back, pulling Bard on top of him.

“You bit me _way_ harder than I bit you with those vampire teeth of yours!” he exclaimed and Bard nodded.

“Yes, that’s for playing dumb.”

The blonde stuck his finger in Bard’s mouth, poking at his canines with furrowed brows.

“They really are sharp, you know. It’s kind of unnatural.” He said and then wiped his wet finger on his shirt.

“So what do you think?” the brunette questioned, shifting and cuddling Thranduil’s side.

“I think you’re a demon, that’s what I think.”

“I didn’t mean about that.” Bard chuckled. “I meant, what do you think about staying here?”

“I think it’s…not an option.” Thranduil sighed as he played with a ringlet of Bard’s hair, curling his finger around it and then letting it unfurl repeatedly.

“Sure it is, but there’s something holding you back, so you just say it’s not an option at all.” Bard declared and Thranduil grinned lightly.

“You know me too well.”

“So, what is it? What’s stopping you?”

“I can’t just move into your house, Bard. I don’t have a job, meaning I can’t contribute financially…unless my mother kept putting money into my account, but that’s not a sure thing.”

“I would take care of it. I’ll just work extra hours when we’re back at school and put my archery award money toward-”

“Bard, _no_.”

“I’d be more than willing.”

“I know you would, but I would never let you. Besides, what would I tell my parents? That I’m going to summer camp and bringing all of my things with me?"

“You don’t have to bring _everything_. Just tell them you’re staying with a friend. It wouldn’t be lying.”

“Staying with a friend? For the _whole summer?_ I don’t think that would work.”

“Just a suggestion. Its ultimately up to you, of course…I just worry, that’s all.”

Bard lifted one of Thranduil’s hands and admired its complexion, rubbing his thumb over its smoothness before leaving a long kiss on it. When his eyes flitted up to meet Thranduil’s the blonde smiled, despite his eye rolling.

“Why don’t you ever have any problems? Let me worry about you, for a change.” He said.

“You’re not missing out on anything fun, I promise. I’d much rather have you be happy.”

“I didn’t mean I hoped for something bad to happen to you! I just mean…you’re so nice and I love you, I guess that’s what I mean.”

“Aw, thank you. Maybe I’m rubbing off on you a little, too.”

Bard beamed and kissed Thranduil’s cheek, surprised that when he drew away, his head was turned and he and Thranduil were nose to nose.

“Maybe we can rub on each other some more later.” The blonde purred and Bard blushed with a sexy playfulness flaring in his eyes and his teeth skimming his bottom lip for extra appeal.

“Maybe…”

“ _Maybe?_ ”

“What do you have in mind, hm?”

“You’ll see.”

Bard found out just what Thranduil meant once they arrived to Erebor Suites. Bard had put up a fight about going, wanting to change things up (at a place that might be cheaper and still just as nice), but Thranduil insisted it was their own tradition and so he drove them there in his own car and paid the bill himself, leaving Bard no choice but to accept the luxury of Erebor Suites.

Once they got situated in their room, the time had finally come for the “thing” they’d been discussing doing. As Bard prepared himself in the bathroom, he realized dressing would be more complicated than he imagined. He was putting on the costume pieces Thranduil had given him and was trying to keep his frustrated noises down so the blonde wouldn't hear and laugh at him, or worse, try to _help him_. After ten minutes, he managed to get everything on okay and right side out, but when he looked at himself in the mirror, he had to hide his face in his hands. He laughed at himself. Why did his boyfriend have to be so kinky?

“How’s it going in there?” Thranduil asked through the door and Bard looked at his reflection again, turning and not believing Thranduil had convinced him to do this.

“I look ridiculous.” Bard chuckled.

“You’re done?”

“Yeah, I’m done.”

“Let me see!”

“I’m not coming out unless you’re done too.”

“I am, I am.”

The brunette adjusted the piece sitting on his head and took in a big breath before opening up the bathroom door and strutting out as confidently as possible. He leaned on the doorway, but then quickly abandoned it, standing straight and gawking at the blonde standing scantily clad in front of him. The only things he wore were tall, white stockings with pink ribbons laced through the tops, small white underwear that tied on the hips, a pink bowtie, white fingerless gloves, sparkling rhinestones by his eyes, and bunny ears.

“Holy damn.” Bard blurted, evoking a grin from the blonde as he flipped his hair over his shoulder.

“Mm, you like it?” Thranduil coaxed, running his fingers along his round rear cheeks and his thighs.

“Of course, darling.”

“Am I a pretty bunny?” he asked, batting his eyelashes and tracing his fingertip over his bottom lip.

“The prettiest, the sexiest, the loveliest.” Bard praised and moved forward to wrap his arms around his beloved, but Thranduil moved away with a wag of his finger.

“No, no. I don’t play with wolves.”

“Oh, right.” Bard realized, looking down and scrutinizing his outfit yet again. He smiled shyly and raised his arms, spinning around for Thranduil to get a better look at his tight, leather black underwear which were open in the back, his furry wrist bands, his grey wolf ears, and the finishing piece: the black and grey tail plugged into his entrance. “How do I look?”

“Dangerous.”

“Not from a bunny’s point of view, Thran.”

“Then you look delicious.”

“Maybe we should switch costumes.”

“No way; even though the bunny suit would look fantastic on you, I would not make a good wolf.”

“Says the actor.” Bard scoffed and Thranduil shrugged with a teasing smirk and turned his back to the wolf, his hair spilling over his back like a shower of gold. He bent himself over the bed, wiggling his back end.

“I’ll be good for you, Mr. Wolf, as long as you don’t eat me.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

Bard advanced to reveal the little, fluffy tail hiding under the satin garment Thranduil sported on his perfect ass, but the blonde moved away from him once again, crawling up onto the bed. Bard followed and groaned lightly as he felt the plug shift inside of him. Thranduil flashed him a smile, obviously pleased, but he grabbed Bard’s hand as it wandered over his undergarment.

“Would you like to go slower?” Bard asked gently and Thranduil laughed quietly with a mischievous smile curving his lips. “What are you up to?”

“We’re going to be _very_ slow today. I want to touch and talk, but no fucking. I want to see if you can withstand everything without having me in the end, or me having you. I want to see if I can get you off without that.”

“I have no doubt that you can and I can do the same to you.” Bard grinned and Thranduil scoffed prettily.

“I am a lot stronger than you think, I just tend to give in easily because you’re hot.”

“I am?”

“Mmhm. Don’t be so modest. You’re my hot, studly, _strong_ man.” Thranduil chimed, running his hands along the muscles of Bard’s arms. “Just look at you. You are the descendant of Adonis.”

“From a Greek God to a wolf…hm, I must have missed that part during my evolution lectures.”

“ _Ugh, stop!_ ” Thranduil whined with a playful grin and beat his fists on Bard’s shoulders. “You’re no fun, no fun at all. A big bore is what you are.”

“Keep insulting me, darling; you’re getting me off already!” Bard joked, making a mock “turned on” expression and a sound to accompany it. Thranduil forced himself to pout through his smile and rolled off the bed, prancing away toward the door. “Hey, where are you headed?”

“Maybe I’ll just go walk around the hall and someone will want to play with me.”

“Hold it, cotton tail!” Bard called and sprang from the bed.

He chased after the blonde and grabbed him by the waist, pulling him away from the door. He wrapped his arms around Thranduil’s slim body, his groin pressed tight against his rear even as he continued backing into the room. He kissed Thranduil’s shoulder and then the back of his neck as he swept his golden sheet of hair to the side.

“No one is playing with my sweet bunny, but me.” He whispered seductively with a grin and sucked on the nape of Thranduil’s neck, conjuring a soft moan from the blonde. “Come to bed, darling, so I can win this challenge of yours. Or better yet, I’ll carry you myself.”

Thranduil squeaked as he was lifted bridal style and Bard smirked down at his blushing face. He laid him gently on the bed and then walked off, bending very slowly to retrieve something from Thranduil’s bag and biting his lip as he did so, feeling the plug move pleasantly inside him once again. When he had what he wanted, he stood upright and hid the item behind his back as he sauntered back over to the bed. Thranduil stared curiously while his boyfriend laid on his side next to him.

“Trying one of my toys out for yourself?” he questioned with a smile and Bard shook his head. Thranduil quirked a brow, wondering what else Bard could possibly have in his hands.

“No toy, but it will be enjoyable, I assure you.” Bard spoke, trailing his fingers over the curve of Thranduil’s midsection and bringing forward the secret behind his back; it was a book, but not just any book.

He opened it up and flipped a few pages easily with one hand and smiled fondly at the crisp pages until he found a passage he found suitable for the occasion. As he began, he rubbed the top of Thranduil’s ear between his fingers.

“Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s day,” he whispered with eroticism. “All in the morning betime, and I… _a maid at your window_ , to be _your Valentine_.”

His digits trailed down through the blonde’s silken tresses and to his neck, following slowly down along the creases in his skin to the edge of his white undergarment. Thranduil sounded a pleasant hum of a moan in his throat, moving into Bard’s delicate, teasing touches. The brunette lowered his lips close to Thranduil’s ear and grinned, feeling him shudder as his hand wandered to his back. He traced a streak down his spine that surely made Thranduil’s body tingle and then slipped by his underwear to close his palm around one of Thranduil’s wonderful, fleshy ass-cheeks. Bard’s smile grew wider as Thranduil whimpered.

“Then up he rose, and donned his clothes, and dupped the chamber door. Let in the maid that out a maid _never departed more_ …indeed, without an oath I’ll make an end on ’t: by Gis and by Saint Charity, alack, and fire, for shame! Young men will do’t, if they come to’t. By Cock, _they are to blame_.”

Bard then took the little bunny tail protruding from Thranduil’s precious opening in his hand, wiggling it and drawing a loud moan from the blonde, whose expression showed how surprised and delighted he was by the sudden action. Bard abandoned the book, setting his full attention on his writhing lover. Thranduil’s cheeks flushed red in a matter of seconds as the decorative toy planted inside of him was played with. Bard moved to kneels behind him as he remained laying on his stomach with his head on the pillows and the sides of his skimpy panties were undone and the clothing was removed all together. Bard ducked swiftly down, fondling the bunny tail and laying a bevy of heated kisses all around it with lips, tongue, and teeth.

“ _M-mnh, a-ah, ha!_ ” Thranduil stuttered and lifted his back end slightly to give his talented boyfriend a better angle, the plug hitting more sensitive areas inside of him as it was moved by Bard’s hand. His cock was firm between the mattress and his stomach and he could feel the small wetness of precum accumulating there. All at once, everything stopped and he blinked in confusion.

“I’m sorry, that was rude of me.” Bard said as he laid on his side with a sigh and picked _Hamlet_ back up from its resting place. “You see, I’m not such a mean wolf; I want to finish reading you this story before I play any more games with you.”

Thranduil stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes as Bard resumed flicking through the pages of the book with a plain expression, as if he’d just dropped the book or lost his place and that nothing else at all had happened. Thranduil had to smile.

“And you tell me you can’t act.” He commented and Bard only glanced at him.

“Whatever are you talking about?” he questioned and without taking his eyes from the text, he tugged on Thranduil’s bunny tail, making the blonde squeak and squirm. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I get a little… _peckish_ , but I’ll wait and read to you before I devour you completely, hm?”

“I thought you said you weren’t mean!” Thranduil exclaimed, unable to contain how amused he was with the situation. The brunette wolf remained unfazed.

“That’s right, I did say that. I wouldn’t want my little bunny distracted, thinking about the end of the story rather than me.”

“But I already know the ending!”

“Nonsense. I can’t imagine a cute little bunny like you wastes time doing anything but primping and spoiling yourself, as you should, and as I should too. Such a cutie deserves that kind of treatment.”

“Then spoil me!” Thranduil said excitedly, jumping on top of his boyfriend with glimmering eyes.

“I will, by reading to you. Don’t you like it when I read?” But then, Bard’s composure was shattered and his eyes widened as Thranduil bit down on his arm. “OUCH, hey!” he exclaimed and Thranduil’s eyes peered down at him sharply and a smile curling his lips.

“Bunnies can get peckish too.” He said simply and knocked the book from Bard’s hand, sending it flying onto the floor.

Bard simply laughed and stood, bending to retrieve the book, but he was suddenly startled as his tail was pulled on. He turned to see Thranduil had the grey piece in his mouth, shaking his head and tugging on it gently. He grunted, a hot sensation shot through Bard like a bolt of lightning as his insides were provoked. He tried reaching for the book again, but Thranduil was persistent and losing patience with the game he’d designed. He grabbed Bard by the hips and tossed him back onto the bed beside him. Not a blink later, he jumped on top of his boyfriend with fire in his eyes. He quickly swiped the wolf ears off of Bard’s head and threw them somewhere in the room. He then reached back and slowly, carefully wiggled the tail from Bard’s back end, making the brunette moan softly in response. That too was tossed away carelessly along with the gloves and then his own costume pieces. As he went for the leather around Bard’s lower end, the brunette smiled triumphantly.

“ _You’re losing, Thranduil_.” He cooed.

“I don’t give a damn.” Thranduil replied and roused a string of hushed moans from Bard as he stroked his now freed hard on to the point of absolute erection.

Thranduil placed a hand on Bard’s chest for balance as he straddled his toned midsection. With his other hand, he kept Bard’s cock steady and eased himself down onto it, his lips falling open with a sigh passing them as he did so. He was unhurried in lowering, and once he took in Bard’s entire length, he remained motionless for a moment. He smiled beautifully and ran his fingers through the dark locks of his beloved’s head.

“When I’m with you, there is no losing.” He spoke and Bard grinned.

“Heh, _said the loser_.” Bard joked and Thranduil made a dramatic gasp of shock.

“Fine, let’s see who _really_ loses first. First one to cum wears a dress next time.”

“As long as you’re willing to wear one, because I’m not- _ahah, ah!_ ”

Thranduil made sure to cut him short, lifting himself and then coming down hard. He put them both at risk of expiry as he set into a riding rhythm, but neither of them cared for the silly stakes involved; they were only wrapped up in each other, every sound, movement, breath, and every change in expression. The blonde swiveled his hips in torturously pleasurable ways for them both and as the heat between them was rising, Bard dictated the matter himself, thrusting upward into the blonde, making him whine and moan uncontrollably with his blonde hair whipping around over his face and his shoulders as he bounced up and down. He masked every sound Bard made as he clutched his chest as he shouted in ecstasy. A high pitched cry rose from within his chest and escaped his throat as an unexpected throb surged through his member and he spilled his hot build up all over their chests. He slumped over almost instantly and Bard sat up to meet his lips in a wet, fatigued kiss. A few short pumps later, Thranduil whimpered and Bard groaned as he released himself into the blonde. After a moment of breathing and settling bodies, Thranduil moved off of his lover’s shrinking length and laid beside him.

“You are…you’re unbelievable.” Thranduil breathed and Bard chuckled lightly, stroking the golden strands sprawled over his shoulders. “I can’t believe you _read Shakespeare to me_. I’ll remember that forever.”

“Another addition to our collection of wonderful memories.” Bard smiled, kissing the top of Thranduil’s head. “So, a dress? You’re really going to wear one?”

“Just call me princess.”

“Sure thing, princess.”

“Hm…kinda has a nice ring to it. Maybe I’ll get a tiara, too.”

When morning came, Thranduil was flopped over Bard’s chest as per usual, but this morning, Bard had to wiggle himself from under the tall blonde as gently and quietly as possible. His phone was ringing incessantly and it was too far to reach, so he had to get up to at least silence it and keep the sleeping beauty asleep. He managed to safely slip out and Thranduil hadn’t even stirred once. Bard smiled at his sleeping boyfriend briefly, noticing how truly adorable and lovely he looked while slumbering. He had to make his intake of the view short, for his phone was still sounding off. He grabbed it from the nightstand and darted toward the door. He looked at the screen and raised a brow at the unfamiliar number. He dismissed himself into the hall without closing the door all the way in order to keep himself from getting locked out.

“Hello?” he answered and pulled up his pajama pants, not realizing how indecent he looked with the edge of the pants hanging so low that his lower body hair was exposed.

“Hello, is this Bard Bowman?” a kindly female voice responded.

“Yes, that’s me. May I ask who I’m speaking with?”

“Yes; my name is Miluiel Oropherion, Thranduil’s mother. Thranduil gave me your phone number; he wasn’t too thrilled about it, but he did so now that he’s told me about your relationship in case I ever needed to contact you. I would like to speak with you if you have a moment.”

Bard was stunned, thinking for an instant that he was dreaming, but he snapped to very quickly as not to keep Mrs. Oropherion waiting.

“Oh, um…yes, yes I have a moment. Is everything alright?”

“I only wish to speak with you about arranging a meeting for the two of us. I’d like to meet the young man my son spends so much time with.”

“Of course, Mrs. Oropherion.”


End file.
